BlueEyesWolf wrote:

SWAMP THING wrote:

Hey Blue Eyes Wolf,
          Thanks a lot for the Christmas card man ,was a pleasant surprise in the mail for once ,instead of the same old depressing bills and such.
   Fine art as well Ed, did a great rendition of my company logo but just to let you know ,he's not purple like barney he's really a black dragon with ruby eyes,but I know from personal experience that this can be a bit challenging to render.
   Looks great though man ,thanks again for the card and for the thought behind it,nisce to know I have some fans out there in the big cold world. 
                                                                   God bless and "HAPPY HOLIDAYS"

Your dragon is black??? NOW I remember! I even made him black the last time that I did him so I don't know why I made him purple in that card...  Sorry about that but I'm glad you liked the card, Swamp Thing. 

"Taint no thang man!" really doesn't matter much, hell I have done a bright green cartoon version of him that I plan on putting on some T-shirts next year,just so that his details will show better
    My little BUBBA Christmas surprise is ready for showing ,just need someone out there to sort of talk my dumb ass into how I would download my art onto the forum...sorry, I'm only a high school graduate....barely!
                                                                           -any takers?

Happy holidays!

Sounds really interesting. Can't wait for the movie to show up...

*zips to get first front row seats* ^^

WolfMontana wrote:

(and I can't think of what could go with truck, save a rather R rated word that seems oddly appropriate, but would get me censored right quick. )

Cluck?

Hey pass some of that corn, fellas! LOL! I hate to interupt the rhyming game, but here's the post i promised ya'll. and Bubba by the way, will never try snowbording ever again. Long story for later...anyway....

Howdy ya’ll!
Merry Christmas and other such seasoned greetings to all of you from beautiful downtown Cracker County! Well, the weather is hot, wet and humid, so a perfect holiday as usual. Down here , ya just keep the mower oiled and the beer cold and it all makes merry and drunk…er…bright. Yeah, sure.

Now you’ve all been good boys and grrrls, so here’s what ya been waiting for and for once I’ll make this short…Bubba is going animated! Yep, thanks to an old friend who is part of a very well known International Entertainment Law firm, he proposed the movie to some domestic and non-domestic production folks who think it’s a “Wonderfully successful ideaâ€�.  But, don’t go thinking we’re all rich or whatever …yet!  We still have a ton of details to work out. But the best thing about it is that it has restored my faith in Show Biz and attorneys. Ooooh…scary! LOL!  This also works out great because now a bunch of really crazy gags and ideas I had can be done because in toon-land…EVERYTHING is possible!

The team is top notch and has so many awards for their work that I thought that I had wandered into a trophy case as I walked down the halls of this place recently.  They may be in the cold country, but they got some hot stuff going!  They’re great folks and. they commented that they have NEVER seen anything like Bubba!  So, that’s all I can say for now. Just hope that all works out  and soon we’ll have something to show ya’ll  by the early spring.  So, thanks to all of you who kept the faith and the hundreds of e-mails supporting this and the dozens who kept hammering me to go animated, well, you win!
Now, with the busboy’s permission, well, I really didn’t ask, but he’s good fella…I present the Christmas tales of the South land here on the café. Why? Well, my own website is having server problems and now we’re designing a new and interactive site coming in a few weeks, so, to make sure you guys get something from us here at Team Bubba besides Booger’s empties!  Also, it kinda was the way this whole animation deal came up and got moving. So, happy hooligans from all of us here…Mr. Xero, Nobody, Somebody and of course… Bubba! See ya’ll at the shows this year and in the meantime…Happy and healthy New Year! Isay Healthy because, if you have that…You have it all! I learned that the hard way this  fall with a certain person I have near and dear to me, who is going througha rough patch and this movie moving again is helping to keep the light in those eyes bright.  Bless ya’ll and be well! I mean it!!

And now here ya go...

                              THE CHRISTMAS WITHOUT 'SHOW'...                                             
                                    By Mitch “Ebeneezerâ€� Hyman
(All characters and story in this massive missive are copyright and registered trademark to Mitch Hyman, so if ya steal any of this, I’ll take ya inside Bubba’s combo toolshed/outhouse and perform horrendous experiments against god and man on yer thievin’ butt!)

   WELL… it’s that time of the year again where ya mark the calendar with the days between holiday turkeys. And this story is one about a REAL turkey of a play I took part in quite a few years ago. There’s something about this season that makes ya look back on the past and then vow to the gods above that you’ll never do anything that dumb again! 

I was invited to a holiday party a few weeks back and ran into an old friend who I hadn’t seen since the invention of dirt. He had heard about the stuff I’ve been doing through another old buddy and was surprised that I was even considering messing with show business again. We were part of a civic organization back when we had the brain cells and naivete to try such nutty things. Talking to him brought back my first brush with the “Biz� so hang on and here goes…

Back years ago when I was a struggling FM disc jockey (I told ya’ll this was years ago…now they’re called ‘air personalities’…mostly of the “hot air� variety), I was living in an apartment that was close to being condemned or turned in condos. This all depending on inflated Florida real estate values, which are still as overblown as one of those parade balloons ya see being led by clowns down a big city street on Thanksgiving. Hmmm…Kinda reminds me of the US Congress…LOL!

Anyway, while I lived there a real old time movie star moved in, as either part of her retirement or it could have been the witness protection plan. Well, she was caught about a dozen times ripping off sunglasses at a local drugstore and this gave me a clue as to how ‘celebrity’ works and we’ll address that later in the story. I would go down to the complex pool whenever the odd occasion would occur when they didn’t have to drag a ‘Gator outta the sucker and the algae wasn’t makin’ it look like a putting green. When I went down there, I would almost always see this ex - famous lady, in a bikini (The sight still haunts me to this day and I have yet to able to eat a proper meal since.) and wearing her misappropriated eye wear. I usually made up batch of margaritas to share with any stray young ladies who were goofy enough to wander down there and be set upon by myself or the other apartment complex ‘Don Wannabees’. She was always open to a drink, or twelve, and when she got enough of ‘Monetzuma’s mash’ in her she would start telling stories about old time Hollywood and her various run-ins with folks like Groucho Marx, Victor Mature, Clark Gable, Marlene Dietrich and the rest the golden days movie idols. The stories were outrageous and I bet mostly true, but then again, she drank a lot before these tales and they got better each time and wound up with her getting pissed off and throwing the drinks into the pool. Which I think helped with the aforementioned algae problems. Tequila has amazing abilities close to chlorine in some cases.

Yeah, I know, where the hell is Mitch goin’ with all this is what yer thinkin’ right now and as I said, this is MY present to give, so settle down out there and we’ll get to Bubba and the crew in a few seconds…well, in dog years that is. Actually ya’ll better grab your favorite hot beverage and prop that fruitcake Aunt Belinda sent ya by the door to keep it open to the living room, so as to catch the young folks sneakin’ peeks those gifts under the tree. This is gonna be a long one…

So, the holidays rolled around and I was a member of a certain civic organization that did everything from running charity haunted houses to selling manure door to door. And considering how many members of this club that went on to careers in politics, this might have been the PERFECT training for their future work. At this time of year we decided to put on a charity holiday play and of course, they all looked at me through their Beery haze and insisted I write the damn thing. Great. Bad enough I had spent years ghosting for TV writers and working for Ad agencies in an effort to sell the public crap they really didn’t need or want, now I was about to become Florida’s version of Shakespeare. Hell, the only Shakespeare I knew of at the time made fishing poles.

So, I got a big old batch of “inspirationâ€� blended up in the old Hamilton Beach and went down to the pool to think this out or possibly drown my myself and neatly escape it all.  This famous lady of the silver screen was holdin’ court by the divin’ board and I gota seriously sick idea…what about this play having a REAL star in it and that just might sell a few extra tickets and get some kids in need a few more toys and warm clothes. So, I asked her if she’d do it and after a few seconds she agreed. One thing ya learn about Hollywood folks, it takes them less prodding to get into the spotlight than it takes convincing a crack addict to head down a dark alley for another hit on the old pipe. The story your about to read (unless ya got bored with this thing already and have headed off to some Internet porn site involving midgets and trampolines by now) is kinda true and then again, not really. Welcome to the wonderful world of show biz folks! LOL!
So, Ladies, Gents, and children of all religions…On with the show…

The weather in Cracker County had turned brisk with temperatures in the low nineties (Brrrr!) and the local shopping ‘Maul’ had finally put away the Halloween decorations, skipped Thanksgiving altogether and headed like a yard dog off its chain right into the Yuletide. There was magic in the air, or it might have been the stink of swamp gas… hard to tell around here.
But Christmas was a few weeks away and all of the ‘Team Bubba’ crew was getting ready to celebrate the season of over-eating and melted credit cards. Bubba had pulled out the Christmas lights and after almost electrocuting himself by testing the string by sticking his tongue in the bad sockets, the outhouse looked almost cheery. Although when someone commented that it looked ‘very bright and gay for the holiday’ Bubba misunderstood the term and almost put the poor bugger into the hospital till Valentine’s day. Bubba is the only person I know who should have his lawyer’s phone number tattooed on his forehead.

So, as everyone was getting ready for Saint Nick to arrive and bring them the entire ‘Sneers and Roeschmuck’ catalogue of desired gifts, I suggested instead of the usual drunken brawl we throw each December 25th which usually lands most of all of us in Hatchet  Hattie’s Hoosegow, we do something different. I admit it had been a hard year for a few of us and I figured that since we were all still standing (Well, we were only still standing ‘cause no one had taken a taste of Booger’s holiday hooch yet to be honest) and together we should share our fairly good fortune with those who didn’t even have a home or a friend to invite into it for a cup of Booger’s brew.

Bubba just looked at me for second like I had just acquired Rudolph’s antlers or infamous glowing nose and sneered with a wofie grin;

“Mitch, the last idea you had died of loneliness and could have sued yer ass fer non-support, son.�

I just took this comment with the usual grain of salt the size of that Gibraltar rock and pushed on…

“Bubba, face it, all we do every year is complain about how the holiday has no real meaning and all it turns out to be is a tribute to how much crap we can buy for people who could go out and get a pair of socks that DON’T glow in the dark or a tie that ain’t so ugly that the factory what made it didn’t get thrown into the dimension of ‘universal bad taste’ (which by the way, is next door to the island of mis-fit toys) they also won’t have to stand in the return line till 4th of July either.

Bobbi-Jo, who thankfully is always the voice of reason in a chorus of off-key lunatics, cuffed Bubba upside the head and added her well spent two cents.

“Writer-boy, here (as she refers to yours truly) is onto something for change, Bubba. We should count our blessings and try to do somethin’ charitable. Lord knows the way things go around here, we might need it ourselves or at least it’ll get YOU that spot in Hell near the air conditioner outside Satan’s office.�

Well-said thought I. Bubba had a different take on it though…

“Bobbi-Jo! You know he’s gonna get us caught up in some crazed deal like the stupid comics he does about us, not mention the crazy movie idea he’s been pushing like vacuum cleaners door to door!�

He shot me an evil look at this point before going on and then sighed.

“Okay, Butch, What’s the deal?�

I replied; “Simple, just like you… ya big hairy mistake! I think we do a holiday play for charity that would benefit homeless folks and kids. Not like we didn’t experience some of that wonderful “House flipping� BS our own-selves this year.�

The big fella actually looked a bit taken back by this. Maybe because he just had his “reality check� cashed in and paid out in pennies. Bubba took a big ol’ pull on his cigar and looked at Bobbi-Jo, Clovis and Biker Bob. They all shook their heads to the affirmative. Bubba now being out-numbered and knowing if he said no, than he’d look like the biggest creep in the world next to that Bin Laden scumbag, he agreed to it. The great “Cracker County Christmas Pageant and Holiday Hoe-Down� was on!

All I had to do now was write it, cast it, produce it and not wind up wearing a Napoleon hat in the Chatahoochee mental ward. Hey, after all these years in self -publishing, if it hadn’t happened before, I had a good shot at pulling it off and not spending the rest of my days makin’ wallets in therapy. Although, I kinda wish I were the one who had made the ‘Bright and gay’ comment to Bubba and spent the holidays happily in a coma.

The next few days went by and had me lost like a ‘fart in a whirlwind’. I finished the script in about 24 straight hours of sweat, whiskey and my own frustrated screams in the night. If ya’ll think it’s easy to write a non-denominational, non-offensive holiday play with a freaking redneck werewolf as the star, then I invite you to clean and polish all the neon in Vegas usin’ a one bristle toothbrush, folks. All that mattered was hat the play was done, and a nervous breakdown avoided. BUT, there was still…costuming, set design, set building, and of course the wrangling of a few Xmas ‘gators. More on that idiotic idea later…and to top it off I still had to figure a way to get more than just the six of us involved in this debacle to buy a ticket. That’s when fate, Booger Greene playin’ Santa Claus at the shopping “Maul� and a real live (Well, she was breathin’ anyway) Movie star fell right into my lap… and almost neutered me in the process.

Let me explain this as fast as I can, cause by now I’m sure most of you are ready to track me down with a gun to put me outta your misery for makin’ ya read this much crap. Booger had wanted to buy a new and bigger solid copper kettle for his moonshine still this year so as  to keep up with the New Years orders. He decided to take the job at the “Maulâ€� playin’ Santa. He got  Clovis hired as his Elf helper. Disaster was surely in the making.

The sight of little ol’ Booger in that red suit and the pillows shoved under it made him look like a fat ‘ol tick painted red. That wasn’t as bad as Clovis in a pair of tights he got from takin’ his Momma’s orthopedic panty hose, dyin’ them puke green and finishing this ill-looking ensemble off with a Camo jacket and tartan hunters cap. He looked like a test pattern for a Martian cable TV station. How folks could allow their kids within ten yards of these two, much less sit on their laps, proves to me that most parents these days should be forced to acquire licenses to have kids. Hell, owning most large dogs require more paperwork than what some people allowed to have kids get away with.  Ya’ll go to any shopping center and see how many people leaving their kids in either the car or loose to wander and be “babysatâ€� at the food court by the cleaning crew can be found and you’ll see what I mean.

I went down the shopping center to check this out and after watching Booger promise those little tykes everything from the new ‘Transitformers mega-missile aircraft carrier death and destruction set’ to a cure for global warming. Then, after seeing Clovis kicked in the shins for just being Clovis, (A great holiday tradition in these parts if not a daily occurrence anyway for him) I figured what I had to offer in the way of roles in this play would get them off the streets and outta harms way. Before I could wade through the sugar induced hyper kiddies to talk to the hapless holiday duo…it happened.

This huge fat kid who was so far over the age of believin’ in the jolly old elf, that I’d hate to hang by the neck for the amount of time required to make up the difference, sat down on Booger’s lap.
Booger never had a chance, folks. This “kid’sâ€� bulk swamped little Booger like that Tsunami  did to all those folks in the Eastern hemisphere. When the after -shock of this had passed, all I could see was Booger’s bearded face sticking out the bottom of Santa’s throne. This magical seat of ‘wish and want’ now looked like an old hippie beanbag. Booger however was worse off. He looked like the product of bad night at a rest stop cafeteria being deposited into the same rest area’s bathroom. In other words, he stuck out through the bottom of that seat and the buttocks of that massive brat  looking like a bearded turd. Clovis ran over and tried to pull Booger loose while that kid cried like it was hurtin’ his giant fanny to have Cracker County’s resident redneck genius trapped like a bad hemorrhoid twixt his back cheeks.  After this, I now have seen way too much to ever sleep without the night screams again.

I ran to help and was all of a sudden knocked back by what I thought was a fur covered, ancient and red clawed Polar bear. No, I hadn’t been drinking or had found the abominable snowman. This was worse. Whatever it was that nailed me had also knocked me into the “Maulâ€� fountain.  Well it was fountain in name only. This was after all “Cracker County and the “fountainâ€� was only a big old birdbath missing the pedestal.  After lifting myself out of this and tipping a bunch of water, tadpoles and mosquito larvae on the floor, I realized who and what had hit me. It was ex movie star and public eyesore …Hardly Hitthemark!  A European actress who came to the states back in the 40’s and had done dozens of films and caused hundreds of lawsuits and scandals as well. I was speechless and awed. Also, I think I had severe head trauma from hitting the concrete edge of that damn birdbath.

Finally with the help of Hatchet Hattie and a pair of those Jaws of Life hydraulic pliers the rescue folks use, we extricated Booger from the bottom of the immense, and now crying bloody murder, kid. Turns out he was the nephew of my hopefully soon to be star of the Christmas play. Turns out that they had been looking for a way back onto the interstate, they got lost and wound up here. Hattie got Hardly to not press charges as I pointed out that Booger didn’t have anything of value besides his massive collection of mustache wax and empty non-returnable beer bottles. So, in my usual sense of bad timing, I then asked her if she would be interested in hanging around town for a few days and possibly doing our play.  She at first looked like she had just put a down payment on the proverbial Brooklyn Bridge or a Canadian time-share. Then she got this glow like the palmetto bugs out at the nuclear power plant get at night. She agreed and then began to list her demands to do the play.

She wanted to direct, star, retain all merchandising rights, have her personal wardrobe and ancient servant/agent/lawyer boxed and shipped in from LA. , a personal trainer and the mineral rights to the county land fill. Actually knowing most celebrities, this was a pretty short list. She could also get away with this stuff because she had recently won some stupid life time achievement award from a website that had the strange luck of having it’s “Stars of Obscurity but beloved by the fan boys turned directors/producers� Guild awards show broadcast at 3am between ads for “ Pubic hair in the Can�. I love the way all those kinds of half-ass awards get these people back in the public eye. I just wonder why all the people pumping them up never hire them for more than a cameo role that always make the audience think; “Damn, I thought they were dead!� Damn, I really should have made a better effort for that coma.

I explained that this was a charity production and she responded with a thick accent that reminded me of a certain blood sucking Count from the late show.

“I vould take zis asa personal triumph�, she intoned, “And do not vorget, I vas a TV schtar vonce you know.�

This was true. Back in the early 80’s she had been a host for a show called; “Miss Delilah’s Disco Dance Party�. Then, after a huge scandal involving two horny script assistants and a guy who was busted later for insider stock trading, she went back into obscurity until some septic tank digger lucked into a trust fund and financed a movie that was so bad that they don’t have a letter in the alphabet low enough to get it categorized.

After about an hour of appealing to her sense of fair play (Which was about the level of that guy from north Korea) she agreed and then grinned so evilly at me that her teeth looked like tombstones in a desert graveyard because she knew she had me over the barrel. I only thought two things at this point. Either this was going to be worth all the effort or she was just used to being pampered by idiots who never learned that being a celebrity does not make you either Alberts’ Einstein or Schweitzer. In reality though I knew I had just signed my soul over to the dark one himself. Only time and the next few days would tell.

Thanks to Bob and the rest pitching in, the play was coming together fast. We only had 24 hours to go before we opened for the public and I have to admit adding this obscure but still recognizable star helped boost ticket sales into the hundreds. Considering that less than a hundred people lived in town, this led me to believe that either Polly (who was selling the tickets down to her diner) was as bad at math as she was at keeping the health department off her back or that people got into the spirit and bought extras just to ensure a good holiday for those less fortunate. 
Hey, I’m an optimistic kinda fool, as ya’ll well know.

Now your probably wanting to know what the play was about…okay here it is…It’s about a renegade Elf who leaves Santa’s work shop and winds up finding a legal loophole allowing the elf to buy him out, toss him in the street and then charge ‘Santa believers’ for gift services like a bad cel phone provider. Also, the Elf gets an imposter to play Santa and make him look bad to the world. That’s it. A real tale of greed and need. Also In the play; Booger was going to play the evil elf (A big reach for him, huh?), Bubba was going to help Santa (played by Biker Bob) get his job back by drinking the false Santa under the table during a Christmas party at the North Pole (Hey, always play to your strengths I say!), Bobbi-Jo was going to be the traitorous secretary who falls in love with Bubba and helps nail the evil elf boss, and our star of the minute, Ms.Hittthemark, was going to play the Spirit of the Season, who would help save the day by instilling in the players, and our soon to be captive audience, with the real meaning of the holidays.

Her role, which included a speech I busted butt over, would make that kid from the “Charlie the round headed kid� ancient holiday special we all grew up on look like he was sending the dancing beagle from that show to the dog pound gas chamber in comparison.
So, lights please…LOL!

But of course every good plan goes to hell fast when you allow someone like Clovis to handle more than just holding a candy cane in the corner off stage.  Clovis, was going to play Rudolph (Who when deserted by the other Reindeer, enlisted the aid of a few gators who had been smoked out of house and den by a recent fire at a local tourist attraction. These gators  turned out to be the cause of the trouble and mayhem that ensued onstage that night…

The grand opening of the play was incredible. We used old man Johnson’s Smokehouse (a great place to hang your meat) for the play and we not only had a place to hold the play, but he gave us a butt load of Roadkill Jerky to keep the gators happy and their jaws busy. We also had the local kid’s choir from the Robert E. Lee grammar and future auto mechanics school open the evening with a selection of  songs that ranged from Silent night to some other Christmas songs the kids learned from the local oldies rock station. Let me tell ya’ll, they did a Christmas version of “Gimmie Two Steps, Santa Clausâ€� by Skynrd that would bring a tear to the eye of anyone who knows and appreciates the holy sounds of hard southern rock. After we were finally able to get the kids off the stage…which wasn’t easy as the crowd started chanting “Free Birdâ€�. The local Hell’s Belles’ ladies quilting and biker club we hired for security had a bear of a time, getting folks off their chairs not to mention taking away enough butane lighters to get us nailed by Hazmat.

So, the lights dimmed and the play was on! Everything went great for the first act where Santa gets bounced onto the curb by the evil elf. Booger got so into the part that he almost got Bob to send him to e-room when the little SOB planted his foot twixt Bob’s man-junk.  After pulling them apart during an impromptu intermission, Bubba took the stage and aided by getting his hands on some REAL booze, instead of the spring water we supplied, he did a fantastic job and drank the impostor Santa. (Played by Ms. Hardlyhitthemark’s giant sized nephew, who we found out, was actually 26) As for the real booze, Bubba argued that while he didn’t have stage fright, he said it could come upon him real sudden like and he was all about being pro-active. Bubba knowing a word like that and then knowing what it meant proved to me that this truly was season of miracles, or at least he had gotten a copy of “Psychologyâ€� today in the mail by mistake and on a trip to the outhouse, he musta grabbed it instead of the “Auto Traderâ€� year end oversize issue. 

So, we were just getting to the part where the spirit of Christmas was about to make her speech and then all hell broke loose. Clovis’s gators had gotten out of the Wally-Mart Mega size beer tub we were keeping them in and wandered onto the stage in search of more Road kill jerky. When one of them placed its tail on the stage lights near the foot of the stage, the trouble boiled up faster than crawdads in a vat of Jambalaya.  That reptile freaked out, clamped it’s jaws down on another  nearby gator and then that one did the same to another and so on. It was like those weird domino displays that ya see on TV’s most unwanted talent shows. Eventually the gator playing Blitzen, nailed Ms. Hardly Hitthemark right in the …ahem…“Sweet meatâ€�. (Ya’ll figure THAT one out yourselves as I get in enough trouble anyway for the stuff I describe) Her lawyer appeared on stage with a pile of papers faster than snake hits a slow moving rat. I know what I’m talking about here folks as I have more lawyers in my circle of family and friends than a yard dog has fleas.

This “Bus station shyster� was just about to serve out his version of bill board advertised brand of justice when Bubba, now filled with 90 proof courage, grabbed him, duct tapped his mouth shut (like he just had done to the now corralled gators) and howled the rest of almost rioting crowd down to a dull uproar. Bubba pulled himself up to his full 6’8 height and began to speak.

“Okay Ya’ll, settle the @#$! down! What the #$%! is wrong with all of you?!â€� he yelled at full volume.  We all just stopped our usual brawling like the proverbial deer in the headlights and listened up. Bubba spit out some tobacco juice (neatly nailing the lawyer right in his squinty eye) and spoke again.

“I’m not gonna make the usual stupid speech about how it’s Christmas and we should get along. That old clichéd pants load has been beat to death worse than Zombies in a B flick! Y’all were raised better than to act like this anyways!  We been friends and neighbors since we could toddle over and steal each other’s Big Wheels and zwieback cookies! We all grew up as hard workin’ and hard dreamin’ people always knowin’ that you do right by your neighbors cause that’s just the right way to live.â€�

We all looked at each other and grinned because we knew Bubba was right. He grinned right back and continued on.

“Now some folks aren’t as fortunate as us, to have lived in the real world all our lives and sometimes it’s better to not get all that fame and fortune crap heaped on ya cause it tend to get ya above yer raising and makes ya believe your own press releases.�

He turned to the now stunned Ms. Hitthemark and her struggling lawyer. (Who looked like he was choking on some well -deserved truth.) Bubba looked disgustedly at them and addressed the crowd again.

“I’m sure as soon as they leave here, they’ll find some magazine or (Bubba shuddered) internet website that will lap up their story about how they were so poorly treated by some backwoods bumpkins and how they tried to edumacate us to how the “real� world is and yadda-yadda-yadda…All I can say is screw it! There’s always three sides to every story…their side, your side and the truth. So, all ya can do is know that folks will no doubt believe the famous, even though they get caught drunk and make bigoted comments, or get their rich asses in sex videos that would make the whore of Babylon blush, and other goofy things. And it don’t make any difference because all will be forgotten the next time their next movie, show or book comes out. It’s no win situation and so do yerselves a big favor…DON’T TRY! Just get on with your life and if ya want to feel good about yerself, then grab one happy memory, like getting’ that GI Charlie with the ‘kung pao’ grip or putting that blanket and a leftover turkey sandwich from yer lunch pail into the hands of the homeless woman on the bench downtown. No one can ever take that warm feelin’ away from you and it don’t have to be Christmas to inspire ya to do it!�

Bubba then grabbed Bobbi-Jo planted a big wet one on her and then said;
“Merry Christmas Darlin’. Now go get me the big roll of duct tape and we’ll take these three “Not so wise folksâ€�  (referring to Ms. Hitthemark, the lawyer and the nephew) and stick them to the first boxcar heading back to Hollyweird!â€�

This got a huge round of applause from the crowd and we all jumped to it and did as Bubba said. After we waved goodbye to the midnight special leaving for parts unknown, we all decide that next year, we’ll just give what we can to charity and never do another play gain! We’re going back to having the annual December 25th drunken brawl. Some traditions should not be messed with. Just like wakin’ Granpa up off the sofa on Thanksgiving with those left over firecrackers from the 4th.  Hey, you got your traditions and I got mine. LOL!
So, whatever ya celebrate at this time of year, just make the most of it and until Mr. Peabody comes around with that “Wayback� gizmo, don’t live in the past. Or else you’ll wind up going through life with more baggage than a backed up airport. Also, not all politicians, celebrities or legal folks are like the parodied versions I wrote about here. Quite a few get some real good stuff done and we’re a better world because of the gifts they use wisely. I guess my favorite gift is being able to live in a country which allows us the freedom to make fun of ourselves and others with the first amendment to back it up.

Now, if ya’ll will excuse me, I gotta run. Bubba and Bob have just popped the top off the kettle and Booger is handin’ out the jelly glasses. I don’t know about ya’ll, but after writing this sucker and makin’ ya’ll hold still to read it all…I think we all deserve a drink!

A toast to you and yours this time of year and just know this…All wishes can come true if ya just don’t quit believing in yourself and finding others who believe the same. Next year and the all the days that make it happen will be great…you’ll see…just believe. And IF life gives ya crap…just make up some “Crap-Ade�. It’s still lousy, but not as bad as it could be. LOL!

Seasoned Greetings to all and a Cracker County blessin’ on yer happy little heads!

Last edited by RealDealBubba (2006-12-24 16:08:49)

Happy holidays!!

*Toss the Pooh costume at RedStreak* Humph!

What a great story, RealDealBubba! I'm surprised that Bubba can actually talk that long but hey, it's fine as long as he saved the day with his thoughts about what Christmas meant to him.

So Bubba's movie is going to be animated instead of live-action?

"Seasons Greetings" to all the members of the "BUBBA NATION" out there in the cold cruel world,
          Sweet ,lovable "Swamp Thing" here to wish all of you and yours the happiest of holidays.
  Whether you be Jew or Gentile matters not this time of year as it should always be in the world ,but alas the world is populated by man and his flaws and imperfections, and prejudices have unfortunately taken hold of the planet in an apparent strangle hold that doesn't seem to look like it will loosen it's grip anytime soon.
   Being an American and from a military family I wish to extend a heartfelt wish and prayer to all servicemen/women who are presently in harms way in the hot spots of the world. They all blindly serve to protect their country despite any corrupt or misguided politics that may be sending them in perilous places.
   God Bless you all this Holiday Season.
Now onto BUBBA stuff; I need to post my Christmas BUBBA card onto the forum so you guys can check it out, unfortunately I'm not too bright when it comes to posting my work on sites, can anybody help me?
  If one of you guys could write me at ; www.surfaceartstudios@yahoo.com I'll be glad to send you a download scan of the art so that you can post it up for me , it wuld be greatly appreciated.
    Speaking of the "BUBBSTER"In the coming months I will be running a contest on my site, a "BUBBA" trivia contest, the lucky winner will recieve a one of a kind piece of original BUBBA art .
   I will announce it to the forum as soon as the details are planned out and is posted on my site at ;
  surfaceartstudios.com
                                                                                      thanks again everybody and heres wishing all of you
                                                                               the "Happiest of Holidays and a very Happy New Year"
                                                                                                Peace out Pack brothers and sisters

Last edited by SWAMP THING (2006-12-25 16:06:57)

Happy New to all the pack!! Get ready for new stuff coming real soon from myself and our new publisher! You've been warned! LOL! also check out the stuff from jester press...I'm jester-IM pressed!

Happy New Year!

Are we gonna have a new movie to go with the new year?

BubbaPackLeader wrote:

dus aneone know what is going on With the Bubba The Redneck Werewolf web  can't find the server at www.bubbatheredneckwerewolf.com.

Mabe technical problems??



Siverwolf.